bhavana Manchanda

Consent IS… / Consent IS NOT…

Consent is…

Agreement.
Communication. All people have clearly expressed their agreement.
Asking and giving permission.
Active, not passive.
Free will. All people are equally free to act.
Power Balance. There is equal access to power and control in the relationship.
Choice. All people can change their mind at any point.
Sobriety. All people are fully aware; they are not asleep, unconscious, or under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.
Assuming “no” until hearing “yes”.

Consent is NOT…

Disagreement.
Assuming or guessing permission is granted.
Submission under the influence of fear, coercion, or intoxicants.
Going along with someone because of wanting to fit in, to get it over with, or because one feels bad or has been deceived.
No choice. If someone is unwilling to accept a “No”; a “Yes” becomes meaningless.
Assuming “yes” until hearing “no”.

Sexual Harassment: Flirting vs. Hurting

Flirting and hurting are two different things. There are several ways to tell the difference between the two.

Familiarizing yourself with how the behavior is perceived, how it makes others feel, and the results of the behavior, will help you figure out the difference between the two.

Flirting behaviors are:

Wanted
Respect motivated
Legal
Consensual
Reciprocal

Flirting is perceived as:

Flattering and complimentary
Mutual
Open
Fun

Flirting makes receiver feel:

Attractive
Flattered
Good
Happy
In control
Confident

Flirting results in:

Positive self-image
High self-esteem

Hurting behaviors are:

Unwanted
Power motivated
Illegal
Non-consensual
One-sided

Hurting is perceived as:

Demeaning and degrading
One-sided
Invading
Scary and uncomfortable

Hurting makes receiver feel:

Ugly
Demeaned
Bad
Sad and angry
Powerless
Helpless
Disrespected

Hurting results in:

Negative self-image
Low self-esteem

What Have You Been Told About Rape?

Anyone can be raped.

Rape happens among all age groups, from infants to elder women, among all economic classes, from rich to poor, among all ethic groups/races of people, and in heterosexual and same-sex relationships.
Rape happens to all genders. Statistics show that 1:4 girls and 1:6 boys are sexually assaulted before they reach the age of eighteen. About one in six women and one in eleven men are raped after turning eighteen.
Rape is not sex. Rape is an act of violence. Rape is not sex but is used as a way of dominating, humiliating, and terrifying another person.
Rape is never the fault of the victim. It has nothing to do with what the victim wore, where the victim went, what the victim did, or whether or not they are “attractive.” Only the person committing the assault is to blame. Rape is painful, humiliating and hurtful. No one ever asks to be raped.
A rapist can be someone you know. Most rapes happen between people of the same race or ethnicity. You are also much more likely to be raped by someone you know than a stranger. Approximately 75% of rapes are committed by someone the survivor knows.
You have the right to say ‘No’ anytime. You can be raped by someone you’ve had sex with before, even your spouse or partner. Each time you are asked to have sex, you have the right to say ‘no’, even if you’ve said ‘yes’ before. You also have the right to stop having sex at any time.
Rape is against the law. Not only is rape always wrong, it’s also a crime.

If you are under 18…

If you have been sexually assaulted and are under the age of 18, please understand:

Mandated Reporter

A mandated reporter is someone who has regular contact with youth and other vulnerable people (for example, elderly and sick people) and are legally required to report to police if abuse is observed or suspected. Teachers, school staff, nurses and doctors are examples of mandated reporters.

SFWAR counselors are NOT mandated reporters. Youth are welcome to utilize SFWAR services for support. SFWAR will NOT contact the police without permission.

Confidentiality

Confidentiality is when information shared by a survivor with a counselor is not shared with anyone else.

SFWAR counselors hold confidentiality except in instances of suicidal behavior or homicidal plans.

Safety Plan

A safety plan is defined by you for your situation. You are the expert on your experience and your path to safety.

SFWAR counselors can discuss your safety plan with you and offer appropriate referrals and support.

I have the right to be treated with respect and not criticized.
I have the right to have a partner who values me for me, encourages me, and wants the best for me.
I have the right to be safe.
I have the right to maintain my own body, feelings, property, opinions, boundaries, and privacy.
I have the right to be listened to seriously.
I have the right to disagree, assert myself respectfully, and say “no” without feeling guilty.
I have the right to not be abused: physically, emotionally, or sexually.
I have the right to keep my relationships with friends and family.
I have the right to have my needs be as important as my partner’s needs and not be my partner’s property or servant.
I have the right to have a partner who gives as much to me as I give to him/her.
I have the right to decide how much time I want to spend with my partner.
I have the right to pay my own way.
I have the right to not take responsibility for my partner’s behavior, choices, mistakes, and any acts of violence.
I have the right to set my own priorities, make my own decisions, and grow uniquely as an individual.
I have the right to fall out of love or leave any relationship.